Wednesday, February 16, 2011

RSV

Last Thursday, Kate came down with the sniffles. On Friday she began to cough like she'd been smoking for years, and that afternoon she was diagnosed with RSV. Then by Sunday her breathing was so rapid and erratic that I rushed her to the ER in the wee hours of Monday morning. RSV comes on fast and furious, and nothing is more terrifying than having a 3 week old who can't breathe. Nothing.


Kate was admitted to the Pediatric ICU, where specially trained nurses can monitor her at all times and where she's subjected to an IV, feeding tube, oxygen mask, and countless breathing treatments. Ryan and I have been blessed with an outpouring of friends and family offering support, meals, and child care. Strange, but no one has offered to clean our bathroom yet. Any takers? No? Well, I guess I can task that to my sister, who will be here tomorrow afternoon. (I can't wait!!)

Each night when I get home I resist the urge to break out the cleaning supplies. Sleep is more important than a mopped floor, I tell myself. But sleep doesn't come easily and a dirty house still irks me, despite the fact that my cleanliness standards have decreased significantly with the birth of each child. It's really not that I'm a clean freak. It's that I need something to distract me from the heartbreak of leaving Kate alone at the hospital, from coming home with empty arms.

Now we're just biding our time until she is strong enough to breathe on her own and all her"numbers" are at the right level. Then she'll be moved out to the floor, where Ryan or I will have to be with her 24 hours a day until she's well enough to come home.

Until then I am aching to hold her without the awkwardness of tubes and contraptions. I am angry at this virus that has robbed me of her newborn-ness, especially since she is my last baby and I intended to hold her non-stop as only a newborn will allow. But as the doctors and nurses keep reminding me, you can't rush RSV. There is no antibiotic or shot or drug that can speed up recovery. So for now we wait, and we pray, and when we can finally hold her again, we'll hold on tight.




16 comments:

kellibattraw said...

We're praying for you! And I'd even clean your house for you. : )

Carin said...

My heart breaks for you and little Kate. So sorry. I remember leaving Zenock in the NICU and driving home with JC... both of us bawling, not knowing when we would be able to bring him home. No words can explain that feeling... it just sucks. :) We are praying for you and your sweet baby.

Can I please come clean your bathroom, mop your floor, etc!? :) You know I love to clean.. I'd really do it, just give me the keys.

Dave to Claire said...

Poor little sweetheart. I really hope she gets better soon. I feel so bad and sad for her all hooked up to those machines, instead of in your loving arms. I'm sure you'll get to bring her home soon. Until then, we'll be praying for you guys. Love you

Janie said...

These pictures break my heart! It's one thing to see it on my tiny phone screen, it's quite another to see them big. Oh, little Kate! So many prayers have been offered in your behalf (and your mommy's).

I will be there in just over 24 hours to clean your house. I'll do it after the kids are in bed and you and Ryan are at the hospital. Don't do a thing! Promise???

Karen said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Congrats on your new one. I can't wait for you to hold here again.

Melissa said...

Poor little baby! I hope you are doing alright.

Mary Ann Carlile said...

Oh Sara, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine...we will keep you all in our prayers.

snbjork said...

Talk about a heart break! I'm so sorry you guys have to go through this right now. We're praying hard that little Kate will get better asap so you can bring her home and get back to normal life.

Lindsey said...

Oh Sara, your post had me in tears. I am glad Kate is doing better and I can't wait to see updated pics of her without the tubes.

I wish I lived closer. I would come clean your whole house, bathrooms included. I know what you mean about wanting it to be clean so at least one thing feels normal.

We will keep praying for Kate.

Quincy Sorensen said...

Congratulations on your sweet baby Kate! I am so happy for you, my friend. I would love to clean your bathroom. These days are temporary, tell yourself, and you will have her in your arms soon. xoxoxo

Kristi said...

So sorry Sara. What a bummer. I am so glad that we have such great docs and nurses around to help in these times. And I am sure Janie will clean that bathroom spic and span. Loves from Matt and Kristi and Evan and Collin. See you In July!

Anonymous said...

I look forward to when you can bring her home. Those pictures just broke my heart. You are such a trooper. I can't wait til you get to take her home and someday soon I can take pictures of you holding your little one. Your family will continue to be in our prayers. Love you, friend!

Kristi said...

Sara, I'm just crying here. Those pictures are just too much for me. I'm so so sorry! Please know we're praying for you. I'm so sad!

Shennie said...

Oh- I'm so sorry! How scary.
And not to berate you at a time like this...but where are her newborn pictures?!
I hope that soon you can take lots of pictures without any contraption attached.

Wendyrful said...

Congrats to you an your new little sweetheart! I'm so sorry to hear she has been sick! i HOPE by now she's home and in your arms! I do understand how scary it is! Liam was 10 days when we went to the PICU! Scary stuff! (I don't think they've anyone like me at the HH PICU - I MOVED IN! I didn't give them a choice, I just moved in! I didn't go home for three weeks! (O.K. I was dragged home the first night he was there after he was finally admitted to PICU. I was sobbing all the way home and half the night, but after that, I refused to leave again).) I miss having that little one to just sit and hold and cuddle with. Especially as the last one. Hope all is well with you and the family now. (I'm not the best house keeper in the world, but even I would have come and cleaned your bathrooms, had I known sooner!)

Natalie said...

I'm a little behind Sara but I am so sorry to read this. I hope that she is well and home with you now.

Update when you have a free minute... wait, you probably don't have a free minute... you have 4 kids :)

Thinking of you!!